Day 3

Your girl is a don.

I went to a South American pub with some friends to watch the Uruguay vs South Africa match. When I arrived, they sat me right next to the kitchen door where plates of chicken wings, onion rings, french fries, tacos, cheese burgers and other fine pub fare paraded past my eyes, nose and salivating mouth. I forgave my friends for this strategic seat because they didn't know I was fasting. As I sat through the game, I dreamed of a variety of fried things dancing and singing their way to heaven where angelic food belongs. Delusions aside, I didn't eat a morsel. After the match (South Africa was robbed, by the way) a friend and I decided to walk around downtown to take advantage of the glorious afternoon weather. About a half hour into the walk this so called 'friend' declared he was hungry and almost convinced me to break my fast and have a steak with him; "Oh, come on, why fast when you can ride your bicycle everyday for an hour and you'll lose 10 pounds in like, 5 days. Have a steak with me." This comment got me thinking, 'is it true - am I doing a foolish thing when the alternative is so much easier?' I was on the brink of desertion but a dose of common sense shot through me and I remembered the detox part of this journey and put my foot firmly down. No steak. As I shook my head to gain some clarity, my friend, let's call him Lucifer, walked straight into a burrito joint and ordered a steak burrito with all the fixings: guacamole, black beans, cheese, hot sauce and sour cream. He proceeded to eat the burrito in front of me and in a display of utter negligence, stupidity or pure torture, he even asked me to hold his burrito while he bought a drink. I did it because I'm a good person (although I had to battle thoughts of 'accidentally' sprinkling dirt from a nearby flowerpot into the burrito before returning it to him). Then Lucifer and I went to the movies and as we entered the theatre the smell of freshly popped popcorn sucker punched me in the face. If you know anything about me know this; my weakness is movie popcorn - warmly popped and covered in salty, greasy, buttery goodness. But I didn't have any, not one kernel. There should be an award for accomplishments like this, I should get like, $10,000 from the government or something.

I never realized I had so much will power and self discipline. I feel like a pimp; bitches bow down to me 'cause I'm hot, I can't be stopped and I rolls like that.

Sorry, I got ahead of myself there. Goodnight.